Monday, February 12, 2018

The Path - Tale of Tales.



The Path is an 'open world'computer game developed by Tale of Tales, in 2009.

It isn't a game in any traditional sense; there is no winning, no guns, no zombies. Success could be described as a longer bardo experience - a dubious reward - for a person who has explored more of the maps.

In the game I (the player) leave the path that goes to my grandmother's house and walk instead through the endless forests, where I soon lose sight of the path. As I walk, I see things that contain memories of my sisters, and I pick flowers. If I give up and stand still, a girl in white comes and plays with me before leading me back to the path.

Eventually though, I will encounter my wolf.
Each of us (my character and her sisters) have a wolf who brings the whirling deep in to their hearts.

The wolf could be a man hanging around the playground, a lumber jack cutting wood. The wolf could be a wolf...and if I interact with the wolf...something happens. Something awful happens, about which I am totally unaware.

I wake up in the rain.
I don't know what has happened to me.
I will never know.

And there is nowhere to go except into grandmother's house.

So I walk over the bridge and into the house where the air is full of threat, and I'm not able to make any sense, or have any choice, but as I move round the house I encounter the symbols that speak of my murder.

The music - Troll Lullaby - is in the game, and I had not caught the words before finding this film on YouTube this morning. Nor had I though very much about the nature of trolls as creatures of the imagination; how the troll can symbolize the presence of an unfathomable otherness that means to do me harm.

As the song says, be careful not to let the troll into your bed.
But no one would, no one, no one would.
The troll in real life will be unrecognizable

How useful could The Path be in helping victims of sexual abuse encounter traumatic memories and feelings?

I found playing The Path an unsettling experience because in the game I am responsible for what has happened to me.

As a survivor of real life abuse I blame myself and don't blame myself in equal measure. The game blames me absolutely except it was going to happen, the wolf is there. It was truthful and accurate about the flash-backs represented by the bardo experiences of grandmother's house. Flash-backs are messed up fragments of traumatic memory; nothing is clear, the triggered nightmare is a dream happening to me while I'm awake. The grandmother's house echoes the nonsensical nature of the feelings intruding into consciousness as shattered images.

I feel that the developers understand what this is like and that makes me feel that I'm not alone.

The song by Jarboe, is important, it re-frames my experience as if I was the victim of a troll - not a victim of someone who said he loved me.

Though I don't want to recognise myself in the game because I don't want to believe that a person I loved did this to me; that I let him into my bed. It helps to be able to borrow, just for a while, the idea, and see him as a troll.

But I find the sense of responsibility the game makes me acknowledge is difficult.

I didn't know he was a troll is what we all say and it's true!

The game says I was responsible because I let him in, and this feels so true, I feel as if I am to blame. I feel shame.

Shame prevents healing.

But now it is out there, the game has said  I'm responsible, it has named my worst fear, my total shame.

But this is a game, a safe space to think about what happened to me. The mix of Eros and Thanatos is too old and it can feel too powerful to confront directly.

As part of my effort not to feel I tag the feelings with intellectual understanding with #closed, #over, #finished, #don't bother with this again. But this process doesn't help.

Memories have to be felt, before they can begin to heal.

When I first played The Path, it let me look at how I felt and placed me in a safe environment, the game environment. I think it helped me to face the dark when I set out to recover all of myself, because it helps me to remember that the dark and the path are not real. That I can go back without being harmed because memory is so much like games. They are both virtual experiences, occurring within liminal space

And a game gives me control.

While the song reminds me
Trolls are trolls.
And I need to take care.

Some of the lyrics

He'll take your soul and eat your head....

He brings the whirling deep in your heart
Then sings the twirling demons of dark

To take you down beneath the ridge
To where is found his silent bridge

Still lies the water green and thick
He'll drag you under with his stick

Sink like some gold floats there through the mist...

Now don't let the troll creep in through your door
He'll take you asleep to his chamber of horrors

Are you dreaming?

No use breathing...

He'll soon be feeding

Monday, August 28, 2017

Half Life: The story,

1995 - Combine invade Nihilianth's home-world (where the Vortigaunts live). The Vortigaunts fight, but ultimately have to retreat to the border world of Xen where they expect to be destroyed.

Xen is like a crossing point within the universe (multiverse) and can be used to cross dimensions - a 'dimensional transit bottleneck' and 'nothing is native to Xen' (M Laidlaw) it is an area of continual contention, full of creatures from all over the universe who have been willingly or unwillingly transported there.

The Combine attempt to hybridize the dominant species of any planet they find, in Xen's case, this is the Vortigaunts, to create soldiers who are adapted to the planet's environment armed with Combine technology and weapons. This is what they will attempt to do on Earth.

While Nihilianth and the Vortigaunts are fighting on Xen, Gordon Freeman is studying for his doctorate at MIT, and at Black Mesa Research Facility experiments in teleportation are taking place under the direction of Eli Vance, Arne Magnusson and Isaac Kleiner. Crystals and animals are taken from Xen for analysis.

Black Mesa's rivals for research money is Aperture Science who are also developing portal technology. Aperture Science own a research ship called The Borealis. One day, after running an experiment, The The Borealis disappears completely off the face of the earth, taking everyone on board with it.

Glados an AI at one of the main Aperture Science facilities) is made operational.

2000 - The Resonance cascade triggered by Gman.

The Gman seems apparently acting independently of the needs of human or Combine, brings a specific test sample to be used in the test chamber at Black Mesa Research Facility. The true origin or nature of the sample is hidden by a system crash before the experiment, to prevent communication taking place between the scientists.

The sample causes a resonance cascade which rips open a portal between Earth and Xen. The Vortigaunts use the rip as an escape route. Headcrabs and other creatures also use the connection practically by accident. The military are sent into Black Mesa to deal with the catastrophe and this includes the elimination of all the scientists who were 'guilty' of causing the dimensional breach.

The rip in the space time causes the Combine to become aware of Earth.

Gordon Freeman is caught up in the resonance cascade, but because of his hazardous material's suit survives and is able to fight his way through Black Mesa to join up with the scientists at the Lambda laboratory. Freeman is sent to Xen by the scientists and told to kill the being in charge of the Vortigaunts - Nihilianth.

Meanwhile, back on Earth - Black Mesa is destroyed by a nuclear explosion. Several survivors remain from the original science team. One of them is Wallace Breen who was Black Mesa's former administrator, Barney Calhoun (security guard), Dr Isaac Kleiner, Arne Magnusson, Dr Eli Vance and his daughter, Alex Vance.

After Gordon destroys Nihilianth the Gman offers Gordon a choice; death or to work for him...Gordon choses to live and the Gman puts him into stasis, to wait until the Gman decides to call upon his services.

2004 - The Portal Storms.

The portal storms seem to be an effect from the resonance cascade and the rift between Earth and Xen. The portal storms occur all over the world, causing temporary, but chaotic inter-dimensional pathways between Earth and Xen. Aliens of all types teleport randomly through. People leave their homes and make for the cities which are protected by soldiers and fences, to escape the head crabs and zombies, and the vast networks of tunnels that are being made through the Earth's crust by ant lions.


2010 - The Combine begin to invade, using the portal storms to get them to Earth where they can use humans to create Combine soldiers, and continue to enslave the Vortigaunts. They force the portal storm wider so that they can invade faster. They teleport drop ships, soldiers and striders from Combine off-world locations. They begin to combine the DNA from the dominant species (humans) with Combine technology. They create a massive tower - the Citadel - in City 17 where they create 'combines' as well as their weapons, the Citadel is the Combine control center. There may well be secondary 'Citadels' in other cities.

As the humans fight against the Combine they form alliances with the Vortigaunts, united by a common enemy.

Wallace Breen is appointed ruler of the Earth by the Combine. It is unknown how or why he was selected for this role, but Wallace Breen seems to see the Combine as a way forwards, that human augmentation is a step towards humanity becoming 'trans-human'.. Breen's first act is to surrender Earth to the combine after the Seven Hours War after most of the major population centers have been destroyed. The Combine consider Breen useful because he is a specimen from the dominant species and they believe people will listen to him. Breen declares that the combine have arrived for 'good', to bring humanity immortality, and that loss of life is inevitable and justified in this transitional period.

Survivors try to move out of the cities to avoid capture, resistance fighters try to regroup in the countryside. Breen calls the rebel fighters, 'short sighted trouble makers'. The cities that still stand lose their names and are now called 'City 1, or city 2...City 17 etc. They are under the rule of the Combine.

All the scientists from Aperture Science have been killed by Glados.

2011 - Wallace Breen broadcasts Combine proper-gander from his room at the top of the Citadel in City 17. Huge television screens are placed in city centers, the content of all other media is censored and controlled . Breen asks people not to cause friction between Earth and the Combine during this transition period, as mankind becomes integrated with the combine. He believes that to gain from this union, mankind will have to sacrifice a lot, but that the ends justify the means because he believes that the union will be beneficial. He tries to convert the rest of the world to his view point. He believes that after the portal storms people will believe in anything that can give them hope.

Meanwhile the Combine Overwatch 'protect' the citizens from the aliens (the headcrabs and zombies)  so humans continue to stay in the cities even as the Overwatch brutality towards humanity increases.

Breen's next task is to smooth the way towards a massive Combine invasion by eliminating any remaining resistance. Raids by the 'civil protection force' send suspected resistance fighters to be converted into 'stalkers' (human slaves) and the Overwatch continue to attempt the re-enslavement of the Vortigaunts. But the ultimate goal is to turn all humans into mindless slaves..Important prisoners are taken to Nova Prospekt, where they are interrogated and experimented on. The Combine want to gather as much information from Earth's population before they destroy it.

The Combine instigate 'a suppression field' to prevent the birth of more human beings. The Suppression field blocks the absorption from food, of specific protein chains needed for the development of a fetus. They also put a chemical in the water to make people forget the past so that they will be more compliant with Breen and the Combine;  forgetting why they hate them, and how life used to be better than this!

Finally the Combine begin to drain the oceans as they start to change Earth in preparation for new residents.

2020 - Gordon is brought out of stasis by the Gman and Wallace Breen makes the capture of Gordon Freeman a top priority for the Combine Overwatch. Freeman sparks the revolution by overthrowing the Combine at Nova Prospekt. City 17 erupts into violence as the rebellion begins. Combine soldiers flood the streets, Vortigaunt refugees fight with the resistance.

Ultimately Gordon de-stabilizes the citadel in City 17 taking down the Combine's communication and control center and the combine forces are fractured and leaderless.

The Gman puts Gordon back into stasis and is about to take Alex, when the Vortigaunts take Alex and place her outside in front of the citadel, they pull Gordon out of stasis and transport him to a location close to Alex. The Vortigaunts have blocked the Gman's intentions..

The Combine have lost communication with their leaders and are trying to create a high energy super-portal which will let them send a packet of information with the location of Earth contained within it, back to their home-world, asking for a second invasion force.

Theory: The Vortigaunts saved Gordon and Alex so that they could shut down the reactor in the Citadel so that the people and Vortigaunts in City 17 could be saved. The Gman did not want this; he wanted the transmission to be a distraction and the Combine invasion to take place as soon as possible, so that his forces could destroy the Combine's home world. The destruction of humanity and the Vortigaunts being less important than ridding the universe of the Combine. Meanwhile the Vortigaunts care more about preserving the lives of the people and Vortigaunts, than of winning the war.

Nevertheless, the Combine do evacuate their pods and do manage to send the transmission. City 17 is destroyed and the Combine are waiting for the opening of another super-portal on the other-side.

Alex and Gordon get two transit packages from the citadel; the first package has the coordinates needed for the Combine to send troops to Earth...but the second package contains blue prints and coordinates for the location of the missing Borealis. This ship is said to contain extremely advanced portal technology.

Despite a terrific battle against striders, Black Mesa manage to launch a  rocket, which, working with satellites launched at the time of the resonance cascade, cause the shut down of the super-portal.

The Combine are in a weak position for the first time...
But the Combine advisers are still roaming the countryside, feeding on the minds of the rebels.

As Elli Vance is killed, his dying words is that Gordon and Alex destroy The Borealis ..
Information from: https://youtu.be/uxBnxvQXWy0



Dearest Playa,

I hope this letter finds you well. I can hear your complaint already, “Gordon Freeman, we have not heard from you in ages!” Well, if you care to hear excuses, I have plenty, the greatest of them being I’ve been in other dimensions and whatnot, unable to reach you by the usual means. This was the case until eighteen months ago, when I experienced a critical change in my circumstances, and was redeposited on these shores. In the time since, I have been able to think occasionally about how best to describe the intervening years, my years of silence. I do first apologize for the wait, and that done, hasten to finally explain (albeit briefly, quickly, and in very little detail) events following those described in my previous letter (referred to herewith as Epistle 2).

To begin with, as you may recall from the closing paragraphs of my previous missive, the death of Eli Vance shook us all. The science team was traumatized, unable to be sure how much of our plan might be compromised, and whether it made any sense to go on at all as we had intended. And yet, once Eli had been buried, we found the strength and courage to regroup. It was the strong belief of Alex Vanced, that we should continue on as her father had wished. We had the Antarctic coordinates, transmitted by Eli's long-time assistant, Dr. Judith Mossman, which we believed to mark the location of the lost research ship, the Borealis. Eli had felt strongly that The Borealis should be destroyed rather than allow it to fall into the hands of the Combine. Others on our team disagreed, believing that The Borealis might hold the secret to the resistance's success. Either way, the arguments were moot until we found the vessel. Therefore, immediately after the service for Dr. Vance, Alex and I boarded a seaplane and set off for the Antarctic; a much larger support team, mainly militia, was to follow by separate transport.

It is still unclear to me exactly what brought down our little aircraft. The following hours spent traversing the frigid waste in a blizzard are also a jumbled blur, ill-remembered and poorly defined. The next thing I clearly recall is our final approach to the coordinates Dr. Mossman has provided, and where we expected to find the Borealis. What we found instead was a complex fortified installation, showing all the hallmarks of sinister Combine technology. It surrounded a large open field of ice. Of The Borealis itself there was no sign…or not at first. But as we stealthily infiltrated the Combine installation, we noticed a recurent, strangely coherent auroral effect–as of a vast hologram fading in and out of view. This bizarre phenomenon initially seemed an effect caused by an immense Combine lensing system, Alex and I soon realized that what we were actually seeing was the research ship, The Borealis itself, phasing in and out of existence at the focus of the Combine devices. The aliens had erected their compound to study and seize the ship whenever it materialized. What Dr. Mossman had provided were not coordinates for where the ship was located, but instead for where it was predicted to arrive. The ship was oscillating in and out of our reality, its pulses were gradually steadying, but there was no guarantee it would settle into place for long–or at all. We determined that we must put ourselves into position to board it at the instant it became completely physical.

At this point we were briefly detained–not captured by the Combine, as we feared at first, but by minions of our former nemesis, the conniving and duplicitous Wallace Breen. Dr. Breen was not as we had last seen him–which is to say, he was not dead. At some point, the Combine had saved out an earlier version of his consciousness, and upon his physical demise, they had imprinted the back-up personality into a biological blank resembling an enormous slug. The Breen-Slug, despite occupying a position of relative power in the Combine hierarchy, seemed nervous and frightened of me in particular. Wallace did not know how his previous incarnation, the original Dr. Breen, had died. He knew only that I was responsible. Therefore the slug ( Advisor) treated us with great caution. Still, he soon confessed (never able to keep quiet for long) that he was himself a prisoner of the Combine. He took no pleasure from his current grotesque existence, and pleaded with us to end his life. Alex believed that a quick death was more than Wallace Breen deserved, but for my part, I felt a modicum of pity and compassion. Out of Alex’s sight, I might have done something to hasten the slug’s demise before we proceeded.

Not far from where we had been detained by Dr. Breen, we found Judith Mossman being held in a Combine interrogation cell. Things were tense between Judith and Alex, as might be imagined. Alex blamed Jerry for her father's death…news of which, Judith was devastated to hear for the first time. Judith tried to convince Alex that she had been a double agent serving the resistance all along, doing only what Eli had asked of her, even though she knew it meant she risked being seen by his peers–by all of us–as a traitor. I was convinced; Alex less so. But from a pragmatic point of view, we depended on Dr. Mossman; for along with The Borealis coordinates, she possessed resonance keys which would be necessary to bring the ship fully into our plane of existence.

We skirmished with Combine soldiers protecting their research post, then Dr. Mossman attuned The Borealis to precisely the frequencies needed to bring it into (brief) coherence. In the short time available to us, we scrambled aboard the ship, with an unknown number of Combine agents close behind. The ship cohered for only a short time, and then its oscillations resumed. It was too late for our own military support, which arrived and joined the Combine forces in battle just as we rebounded between universes, once again unmoored.

What happened next is even harder to explain. Alex Vance, Dr. Mossman and myself sought control of the ship–its power source, its control room, its navigation center. The liner’s history proved nonlinear. Years before, during the Combine invasion, various members of an earlier science team, working in the hull of a dry-docked research ship situated at the Tocsin Island Research Base in Lake Huron, had assembled what they called the Bootstrap Device. If it worked as intended, it would emit a field large enough to surround the ship. This field would then itself travel instantaneously to any chosen destination without having to cover the intervening space. There was no need for entry or exit portals, or any other devices; it was entirely self-contained. Unfortunately, the device had never been tested. As the Combine pushed Earth into the Nine Hour Armageddon, the aliens seized control of our most important research facilities. The staff of the Borealis, with no other wish than to keep the ship out of Combine hands, acted in desperation. The switched on the field and flung the Borealis toward the most distant destination they could target: Antarctica. What they did not realize was that the Bootstrap Device travelled in time as well as space. Nor was it limited to one time or one location. The Borealis, and the moment of its activation, were stretched across space and time, between the nearly forgotten Lake Huron of the Nine Hour Armageddon and the present day Antarctic; it was pulled taut as an elastic band, vibrating, except where at certain points along its length one could find still points, like the harmonic spots along a vibrating guitar string. One of these harmonics was where we boarded, but the string ran forward and back, in both time and space, and we were soon pulled in every direction ourselves.

Time grew confused. Looking from the bridge, we could see the drydocks of Tocsin Island at the moment of teleportation, just as the Combine forces closed in from land, sea and air. At the same time, we could see the Antarctic wastelands, where our friends were fighting to make their way to the protean Borealis; and in addition, glimpses of other worlds, somewhere in the future perhaps, or even in the past. Alex grew convinced we were seeing one of the Combine's central staging areas for invading other worlds–such as our own. We meanwhile fought a running battle throughout the ship, pursued by Combine forces. We struggled to understand our stiuation, and to agree on our course of action. Could we alter the course of the Borealis? Should we run it aground in the Antarctic, giving our peers the chance to study it? Should we destroy it with all hands aboard, our own included? It was impossible to hold a coherent thought, given the baffling and paradoxical timeloops, which passed through the ship like bubbles. I felt I was going mad, that we all were, confronting myriad versions of ourselves, in that ship that was half ghost-ship, half nightmare funhouse.

What it came down to, at last, was a choice. Judith Mossman argued, reasonably, that we should save the Borealis and deliver it to the resistance, that our intelligent peers might study and harness its power. But Alex reminded me had sworn she would honor his father's demand that we destroy the ship. She hatched a plan to set the Borealis to self-destruct, while riding it into the heart of the Combine's invasion nexus. Judith and Alex argued. Judith overpowered Alex and was preparing to shut off the Bootstrap Device to settle the ship on the ice. Then I heard a shot, and Judith fell. Alex had decided for all of us, or her weapon had. With Dr. Mossman dead, we were committed to the suicide plunge. Grimly, Alex and I armed the Borealis, creating a time-travelling missile, and steered it for the heart of the Combine's command center.

At this point, as you will no doubt be unsurprised to hear, a Certain Sinister Figure appeared, in the form of that sneering trickster, Mr. X.  For once he appeared not to me, but to Alex Vance. Alex had not seen the Gman since childhood, but she recognized him instantly. “Come along with me now, we’ve places to do and things to be,” said Mr. X, and Alex acquiesced. She followed the strange grey man out of the Borealis, out of our reality. For me, there was no convenient door held open; only a snicker and a sideways glance. I was left alone, riding the weaponized research ship into the heart of a Combine world. An immense light blazed. I caught a cosmic view of a brilliantly glittering Dyson sphere. The vastness of the Combine's power, the futility of our struggle, blossomed briefly in my awareness. I saw everything. Mainly I saw how the Borealis, our most powerful weapon, would register as less than a fizzling matchhead as it blew itself apart. And what remained of me would be even less than that.

Just then, as you have surely already foreseen, the Vortigaunts parted their own checkered curtains of reality, reached in as they have on prior occasions, plucked me out, and set me aside. I barely got to see the fireworks begin.

And here we are. I spoke of my return to this shore. It has been a circuitous path to lands I once knew, and surprising to see how much the terrain has changed. Enough time has passed that few remember me, or what I was saying when last I spoke, or what precisely we hoped to accomplish. At this point, the resistance will have failed or succeeded, no thanks to me. Old friends have been silenced, or fallen by the wayside. I no longer know or recognize most members of the research team, though I believe the spirit of rebellion still persists. I expect you know better than I the appropriate course of action, and I leave you to it. Expect no further correspondence from me regarding these matters; this is my final epistle.

Yours in infinite finality,

Gordon Freeman, Ph.D.
(source: http://www.marclaidlaw.com/epistle-3/)

Thursday, June 29, 2017

The Hanged Man.



The Hanged Man hangs suspended, upside-down, from the living World Tree which is rooted in the underworld and supporting the heavens.

He is hanging on the tree of his own will. His right foot is bound to the tree but his left foot remains free, bent at the knee. His arms are bent, with hands held behind his back. This is the card of ultimate surrender, of being suspended in time and of martyrdom and sacrifice to the greater good.

This is the archetype to meditate on to help break old patterns of behaviour and bad habits that restrict you.

Justice



Justice isn't fair, or rather it is...but not in the short term. The consequences of actions play out. It isn't nice, it isn't pretty. Things and people get broken as a consequence.

Well-ordered thoughts, and logic must be balanced by intuition.

Ultimately the of justice is in making fine adjustments.
When the city is burning and someone has to wear the suit, justice has been absent for too long.

The Wheel of fortune.



Human
Scientist
combine
Zombie.

Which one you are depends on fate.
We would like to think otherwise but...
No.

The wheel of fortune spins insanely around whilst the helicopter above, like a guardian angel or death dealing machine of war drops the books of knowledge the four characters in this card, will never read.

The outer circle of the roundabout represents the material world. The divisions inside the wheel represent the Universal radiant energy, as well as the four elements.

As the roundabout turns on the earth, so do the rotor blades of the helicopter, reflecting the celestial motion of the earth and galaxies as they circle around the infinite black hole that will be the ultimate end of all that we knew.

And it is always latter than you think.

The Hermit.



The Hermit stands alone, and is ready to share his knowledge with others.

The shotgun carried by the Hermit is the patriarch’s staff, a symbol of the narrow path of initiation and an emblem of power and authority. It represents the Hermit’s ability to use his isolation and the knowledge he has gained as a tool upon his path to reach even higher levels of awareness.

His secrets are not for everyone, only for those earnestly seeking them and those willing to climb the heights to wisdom.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Strength


The woman gazes down at the ant lion and appears to be successfully taming this wild beast. She is surprised but confident, her white jumper indicating her purity of spirit. The ant lion is a symbol of hive mind and unconsciousness.

This ant lion is happy to submit and surrender to the woman.

The woman overcomes the ant lion with a quiet strength that can only come from within.


The Chariot.



The Chariot is associated with the journey. The chariot  speeds the driver over and through the elements of earth, water, air and fire. The driver is protecting 'the Holy Grail' represented by the sphere of red liquid.

This card represents the spiritual transformation of man. The box of supplies signifies earth, a sign of strength of will. Freeman has taken off his suit showing that he is willing to experience the highest attainment of man in spiritual evolution.

The city is behind him, indicating he has turned his back on civilisation and materialism in order to seek spiritual matters.

The Lovers



Life is hard in City 17.
Dr Brean drones on about the suppression field, and the lovers cling together on the sofa.

The two figures in the Lovers card are blessed and protected for now, even if they don't know it. Someone, a kind stranger has decorated their room.

The multicolored light represents their mutual care and tenderness. The heart-shaped balloons are their light hearts filled with 'air' representing their communication, necessary for a healthy relationship.

I know it doesn't seem so good for them right now. Their lives are grim and miserable, but strange and wonderful things do happen, and love will slowly, slowly allow despair to be transformed.

The Hierophant



The Hierophant is known as the High Priest in some decks. He is the masculine counterpart to the High Priestess. He is also known as Chiron, the Pope and the Shaman.

The Hierophant is represented as a religious figure, standing within a formal church environment. He has access to the three worlds, and his role is to is take raw power from the Universe and to channel that power through society. The two spheres represent his role of maintaining balance between the conscious and subconscious minds and unlock the mysteries.

The Hierophant  symbolises entry into all types of institutions where there is a shared group identity.

The Emperor



The Emperor is the complement to the Empress. He is the Masculine Principle, the Animus and the Patriarch. He represents power and authority.The Emperor has a stern attitude. He is a man who has has acquired years of wisdom and experience and he is worthy of listening to because he has seen first-hand the consequences of his actions.

At his feet there is a chess board, indicating that the Emperor combines his intellect with his determination, action, initiative and leadership.

The orange background and the Emperor’s orange HEV suit symbolise his passion and energy for life and the challenges it offers.

The Empress



The Empress is the archetypal Earth Mother, the Anima, the Feminine Principle, Demeter, Freyja and the Goddess of Fertility. Ruled by Venus, the planet of love, creativity, fertility, art, harmony, luxury, beauty and grace.

The main feature of this card is the Empress herself who sits in a forest with a river running through it, demonstrating the Empress’s deep emotional connection with Mother Earth and life.

She draws her sense of peace from the trees and the water and is rejuvenated by the energy of nature. She is surrounded by an abundance of health kits as the sun either rises or sets...

Monday, June 26, 2017

The High Priestess.



The High Priestess is also known as Persephone, Isis, the Corn Maiden and Artemis. She sits at the gate before the great Mystery. She sits between the darkness and the light, represented by the pillars of Solomon’s temple, which suggests it is she who is the mediator of the passage into the depth of reality.

The Magician.



The Magician is associated with the planet, Mercury and carries with it skill, logic, and intellect. The number of the Magician is one, the number of beginnings.

The Magician is the bridge between the world of the spirit and the world of humanity.

His right hand is raised to a sphere representing atomic force, and a new world above him. While his left hand points towards the fractured clock on fire symbolizing the imperative to transform, and the ground.

The magician takes the power of the Universe and channels it through his own body and directs it to the physical plane. The table holds all four suits of the Tarot, each of which represents one of the four primordial elements of the alchemists – earth, air, fire and water. These symbolise the appropriate use of mind, heart, body and soul in the process of manifestation.

The Magician’s robe is white, symbolising the purity and innocence found in the Fool but his trousers are denim, a pair of jeans representing worldly experience and knowledge.

The fool.


I've been meaning to make the Half Life tarot pack for years. So it is high time I actually began the 78 images. I meant to base this one on Crowley's Thoth pack, but in the end...I used the more standard image for the card.

So, what's happening?
Is this card the beginning or the end of Freeman?
Let's face it, he must have faced despair a thousand times already

The Fool is numbered 0, and he can be either at the beginning or at the end. Freeman is facing the bottomless sea, the unknown. He is looking upwards, toward the sky trying to forget where is is, who he is and what he has seen and done. He may be about to fall

He has a guardian in the form of his suit that protects him throughout his journey and has also caused him to learn the lessons he has had to learn.

But right now, at this very moment, Freeman has had enough.

It's up to you to decide, will he stop and put his suit back on, or is this the last card in the pack?

Well, obviously it is the first card for me.

Sunday, November 8, 2015

I've finally played Half Life Episode 2.

Surely to god
Now RideFlame has played...

It must be time for Half Life Episode 3!?

Clearly it isn't 

So I tentatively step back into gaming, via mods.

First
WCA-HL / Peaces Like Us.
A nightmare of a game when using a Pentium 2 and cutting edge graphics - a Voodoo card.


I wrote the walkthrough after being stuck for days unable to see a ladder, whilst clinging to a massive machine made of Xen textures and propellers.

Peaces Like Us can be downloaded from:
http://www.runthinkshootlive.com/posts/peaces-like-us-version-2/
http://www.gamewatcher.com/mods/half-life-mod/half-life-peaces-like-us-2-0-beta-1

My original walkthrough is here:
http://www.rideflame.co.uk/WCA_PLU_HL/purpose.html
http://195.154.69.184/media/pdf/peaces-like-us-walkthrough.pdf




Install to Steam like this:
Unzip the downloaded file to desktop
Drag the folder called wca_hl into your Half Life 1 folder.

Here is the file path:
steam - steam apps - common - Half Life (drag WCA here.)

I also downloaded Spherical Nightmares, by David Lundvall
http://www.sphericalnightmares.com/





The file path to install this game is:
steam - steam apps - source mods (drag Spherical Nightmares here).

So far?
Spherical Nightmares has the feel of a Portal 2 world x HL 1.

The last thing your remember, before you fell unconscious to the floor, is the G man. But now you are awake, in a prison cell...and having PTSD flash backs...

Where is everybody?



I am seriously out of the loop these days
Not a member of any Half Life forum
Got a link to my clan's forum, for a new message...but couldn't find my password.
Nor could I be bothered to even try out any of my many defunct archaic email address I may have registered with.

More Ancient mods before I go...
Neil Manke..
Darkstar and Hunger :)

They Hunger is very much a Quake 1 kind of game
Made extra excellent by the custom sound effects.
Story - You are a writer, going off to the country to spend time alone, to write your book.
But, your car crashes
Armed with your trusty umbrella, you spend the game running around, trying to avoid the zombie hoards.



I never worked out if the music was originally composed by ReFrag?
The They Hunger music has gone from his site, but here is another of his tunes...



Darkstar...

You are on the spaceship Darkstar.
It is full of aliens.
What could possibly go wrong?

Friday, October 30, 2015

Half Life music.



It occurred to me
I didn't hear the music in Episodes 1 and 2
And HL2 was so long ago...

But I don't remember music.
Except for the final battle in Episode 2.

Unlike Half Life 1
When music was integral...to my game

Early Half Life 2 history.


This was written a long time ago. First page of my Half Life web site (The Apprehensive Guide..





Information from HL forums + 'HL2-Raising The Bar' ::

In 1996 Gabe Newell and Mike Harrington 1996 ex Microsoft employee took the decision to licence the Quake engine from ID.

They take an office in the Seattle suburb of Seattle (Kirkland), Washington.

There are two design teams:.
Code name Quiver to be a FPS like Doom, with aliens+monsters...an adrenaline fest.
Code name Prospero a moody, literary game drawing on sources ranging from Myst to Borges.


Quiver gradually absorbed every member of the company, and the emphasis on narrative and atmosphere from Prospero. It was originally based on a novel by Stephen King’s story The Mist in which monsters swarm out of a military base known as Arrowhead. One episode of “Outerlimits” in particular influenced Half-Life; it was called “The Borderland” and tells the story of a team of scientists who manipulate magnetic fields to enter the fourth dimension.

A rebuild from ground-up in 1997... adding another year to production.

Quotes.
"When choosing a name for the game, we tried to establish criteria: it needed to be evocative of the theme, avoid cliché in the genre, and have a corresponding visual mark. We brainstormed some ideas, and then picked Half-Life. We wanted to communicate the science fiction feel, the more mature sense that we were going after a game that was not just a shooting gallery. There was going to be a richer experience and a more thought provoking one...and so Half-Life. We thought about that, and that seemed cool, and we tried to look at Half-Dead. We went through hundreds of different names; Half-Life was one that stuck out fairly quickly" Gabe Newell.


"We went round and round on names for the character. I thought it should evoke some famous scientist, so I took the name of one of my hero’s, physicist/philosopher, Freeman Dyson, and smashed his name together with that of the French mathematician Jules Henri Poincare. Gabe immediately countered with the far more reasonable Gordon Freeman, and that was that. Like many important game design discussions in those days, this all happened at lunchtime, in Gabe's car, en route to our favourite Japanese restaurant" Marc Laidlow.


"Kelly Bailey and I only had a weekend to get the test chamber disaster sequence built. We worked for 48 hours straight. Mercifully, I had both food and a comfortable chair to sit in, but Kelly sat atop of a wooden sawhorse we affectionately dubbed 'The Throne Of Woe' in order to keep awake. We barrelled through it and went home for a few hours of sleep and came back Monday still in a zombie like state. Every one in the office was all exited about something, but it took a bit for me to realise they had found the sequence and all played through it; everyone just loved it. It was one of those great moments" John Guthrie.


Half-Life 1 background story:
Deep in the bowels of the Black Mesa Research Labs, a decommissioned missile base, a top secret project is underway. Information about the project is strictly on a "need-to-know" basis, and as a low level research associate you (Gordon Freeman) "need to know" very little. Each morning you ride the train to work from the employee dorms, you put on your environmental protection suit, you enter the test chamber, and you run stress tests on whatever odd devices have been delivered from some other nameless part of the Black Mesa compound.

But this morning is different.

This morning, your test lab is suddenly the most important place on Earth-because something is going seriously wrong. Maybe it's sabotage-maybe it's an accident. Whatever the reason, reality is getting all bent out of shape. One minute you're doing your job, pressing buttons. The next thing you know, you're staring into an alien world.
Something huge with too many arms is taking a bite out of your partner's face. An explosion of unearthly light....then darkness.

Disaster.

Sirens wailing.

People screaming.

And everywhere you turn, people are dying--being eaten.

Monsters are everywhere. Monsters--there's no better word for them. You head fro the surface, to get the hell away from ground zero, but the usual routes are impassable--damaged by the disaster, infested with headcrabs and houndeyes and increasingly larger and hungrier creatures.

Madness is the order of the day. You enlist the help of traumatized scientists and trigger-happy guards to get through high security zones, sneaking and fighting your way through ruined missile silos and Cold War cafeterias, through darkened air ducts and subterranean railways where you must ride a missile transport sled straight into the jaws of slavering nightmare.

When you finally come in sight of the surface, you realize the aliens aren't your only enemies--for now the government forces have arrived with heavy-weapons goons, squadrons of ruthless containment troops, and stealthy assassin gals. Their orders seem to be that when it comes to Black Mesa labs, nothing must get out alive....and especially not you, the guy who made it all go bad.

So much for the cavalry. When your own species turns against you, where do you turn? You've uprooted a bunch of nasty government secrets. You've found a portal to another world, and an alien light comes shining through. Can it get any worse over there? Some things you just have to see for yourself.

What made Half-Life 1 different?
In Half-Life t the player gets information in a slightly more realistic fashion, information is provided by the game charactors in scripted scenes 'scripted-scenes'. For instance the first time Gordon sees the tentacle he sees what it does and Barney gives him the knowledge he needs to stay quiet . There is no 'computer update' the player makes his or her way through the game using naturalistic clues about what is and isn't safe, and about what goals should be acheived to progress.

After Half-Life?
After Half-Life 1, VALVe began to discard the Quake-derived Half-Life engine and started to create Source. Because the interaction with computer charactors (the NPCs) creates a more realistic and emmersive storyline VALVe made developing the technology for better acting and animation, a top priority. In Half-Life 2 the aim was for a game plot that depended upon characters, ambitious scenes and powerful animation as much as combat.


The setting of HL2 is City 17, an Eastern European setting. The emphasis was on creating a striking and original visual universe. Here, humans and vortigaunts are in servitude to the Combine…there are no children. The town is dominated by the citadel, alien technology absorbing the human city.

The citadel interior design was influenced by the monumental totalitarian architecture of Nazi and communist regimes.

There is a theory about City 17 being located at 43 degrees 7 minutes 0 seconds North and 45 degrees 2 minutes 0 seconds East.

Nevsky Prospekt.

The theory behind this is as follows, Valve wrote some things that led to a website with the G-Man's picture. The Source code revealed a bird and Gordon in ASCII text. Well one of the guys over at HL2.net spent some time looking at the password for the secret site: 437N452 and he came to the conclusion that it looked an awfully lot like a latitude/longitude grid reference.... The closest sea to the location in the link above is the Caspian Sea - and the Black Sea, the Black sea is closer to Europe which better matches Valve's information of City 17's location: Eastern Europe.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Mistake of Pythagoras walkthrough


Introduction.

Mistake Of Pythagoras is Koumei Satou’s first Half-Life 2 mod. His other Half-Life mod's were Sweet Half-Life and Peaces Like Us. You can read the walkthrough for Peaces Like Us here:


You can find out about and download Mistake Of Pythagoras from this link.http://www2d.biglobe.ne.jp/~ks_wca/mop/mop_fm_e.htm

I had one or two problems playing this game and I needed the console to load at least one map. I also used the noclip command [could have re-loaded from a previous save, but there you go!] 
I include notes on how to use the console, plus a list of the maps just incase you get stuck too.

The console::

1/ Start Steam and launch MOP.
2/ Chose options from game menu.
3/ Chose Keyboard and then Advanced options check developers console.
4/ In game press console key and type in sv_cheats 1



-------------------------------
To load a map use console key [tab or on UK PCs the one by the 1, under Esc] and type in map ks_mop-xxxx.
Ks_mop_vill1
Ks_mop_vill2
Ks_mop_vill3
Ks_mop_ledoux1
Ks_mop_ledoux2
Ks_mop_pita1
Ks_mop_pita2
Ks_mop_pita3
Ks_mop_pita4
Ks_mop_pita5

Next, the walkthrough.